The other night, I woke up around 3:30 AM. My mind was racing, and I was unable to sleep. My thoughts were entirely focused on a situation that (I later realized) was challenging my principles.
Without getting too personal, the matter involved a very large sum of money—the largest sum I ever stood to gain aside from buying or selling real estate. The issue I was struggling with was whether to tell the truth or lie in order to get this money.
The lie wouldn’t have been a complete fabrication. It would have only been a half-truth, something the receiving party might never learn about.
Wrestling with Rationalizations
These are just a few of the rationalizing thoughts that were spinning in my head. Eventually, I fell back asleep, but when I woke, my mind immediately began cycling through these thoughts again.
That next morning, I went online and searched “living a principled life.” One of the top sites that came up was a blog by Matt Ellis titled, “How to live a principled life.”. It was exactly what I needed to read.
Matt’s blog breaks down living a principled life into two steps:
- Decide the values by which you want to make every decision in your life.
- Conscientiously and with great intent, apply those values to everything you do.
Step two was the exact line I needed to help me sort out my thoughts.
Understanding My Unease
Immediately, I understood why I was so uneasy. Everyone I spoke to about my dilemma told me to lie. Their desire for me to get the money was so strong that they didn’t consider the consequences of how I would get it. They focused on the money rather than the compromise to my principles.
We all have varying degrees of conscience, and I have always suffered greatly from acts that didn’t align with my morals. I credit my Catholic upbringing and a steady diet of ’80s family shows for my scrupulous sense of right and wrong.
The Turning Point
This was one of those pivotal moments where my decision would have a lasting impact. The money could help my family, but the consequences of my choice could cost me peace of mind and my integrity. To make matters worse, if I played this wrong, I risked losing both.
Once I recognized this, my choice became clear.
When I compared the thought of losing the money to the shame I’d carry for lying, I quickly made the decision not to lie. It took no time for my mind to settle once that decision was made.
Against all the well-meaning advice, I knew that being deceitful would crush me. It would eat at me day and night, challenging the very core of how I see myself in the world.
Around the same time I was wrestling with this decision, my daughter came to me with an innocent request: She wanted to come home early from school because they were going to watch a movie she had already seen. When I agreed, she asked for a note saying she had a dentist appointment so she could be excused.
Parallels in Parenthood
Immediately, I saw the parallels between my daughter’s request and my moral dilemma. How could I tell her that I wouldn’t lie to get her out of school, but then turn around and lie to get the money?
Needless to say, my daughter didn’t get her letter, and she attended school that day.
In the end, I resolved to be honest and forthright. I told the truth, and while the response I received was as expected, the receiving party respected my earnestness. I’m happy to say, I got the money.
The Satisfaction of Integrity
My relief and satisfaction were immediate. I can’t remember the last time I was that happy. I was both proud to have stood on principle and pleased to see the receiving party respond favorably to my earnestness.
Living a principled life isn’t easy. Society and life will challenge you. I know that my story could have gone another way. If I had lied and gotten the money, I might have been justified. But I also know, deep down, it would have bothered me.
If telling the truth had caused me to lose the money, that would have hurt too. But that hurt would have been different. It wouldn’t have lasted long.
What about you?
Have you ever faced a moral dilemma? How did you handle it? Tell me your stories.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this content, please feel free to browse my previous articles, and please like, share, comment, and subscribe. This helps promote my content and is greatly appreciated.